Robot

I was listening to a song, while pacing back and forth in my room tonight and came across this particular lyric "Do you love? Do you need love?" I couldn't help to stop and asked myself the same questions. I think I know the answers, but I was too afraid to admit it. Love has always been a somewhat complicated subject to me. Ever since I knew what it could do. Tangled. Hurt. How can one endure all of these challenges and pain just to be happy? I just don't get it. Have we gone blind or deaf? Or is it just me then. Heartless. I'm not. I just don't show much emotions and it's for the best. Because you know what I think? It hurts less if it's a secret. It hurts less to not fall in love rather than fell out of it.

It's been more than a year since I tried to avoid it. I've pretty much alienated myself from any special feelings towards someone or anyone for that matter. I don't know how or why, but seems like the love bug does have its own way finding you, somehow. Now I pretty much wants it to stay away, as far away as it can. I was happy and fine by myself. Never been happier. For the first time in years, I can see myself smiling again. Again and again.

I should have said NO the first time. I should, but I didn't. I've let the rush make its way in. Now I shall face the consequences. I'm gonna have to face this through like a champ. I know I can, because I'm stronger than I look or feel now. I'm just gonna have to be a robot again.