I survive

Wasn't exactly the way I imagined it would be
But I survived the day
:)
Stay positive hadzri

Happy birthday Hadzri

Hi Hadzri
It's your 31st birthday
Can you believe it
You've survived your first year as a 30yo
A lot has happened for the past year
You've grown to your own person
You've managed to relook into few things in your life
Work
Friends
Family
Love
You're still a work in progress
Nobody says growing up is easy
A lot of things to look forward for the coming days
Your first solo trip to London!!
Please have a good time
It's overdue and you deserve it
Make more friends along the way
Be approachable
Be sociable
Be yourself
Be confident
See things from a different angle
You can be independent
You can navigate yourself
Today you spent the night alone
It's OK
You're never really lonely
You have your ownself
Treat yourself today
Get a haircut
Get a mani pedi if it makes you feel better
Get a massage maybe
Do whatever pleases you
Cause it is your birthday
And don't forget your cake :)

Love,
Hadzri

Literally

Isn't it weird what guilt can lead to?
I don't know if this is me retaliating
Or we're just in a slump
I just can't see things clearly anymore
And the weirdest part is
I don't necessarily feeling sorry about this
But I'm not saying whatever happened was right
I'm just trying to be true to myself
And I know my truth
I don't expect people to understand it
I don't expect much acceptance
Except for myself, maybe
It was never in my intention to hurt anyone
It was never in my intention to start anything
Nor it did
I don't like to explain myself
And I don't want to live in hiding
But out of all people
I would have expected you to understand
But I guess ego got in the way
So how do we go from here?
I don't expect things to be the same
But I didn't expect for you not to be as acceptable

Pissed

I'm so annoyed. Why you asked? Because you're so rude to me today. 

Random thoughts

For 2 people to act like complete strangers after sharing a brief beautiful moment in life is probably one of the most saddest things in life. I can't believe how time passes by so quickly and changes everything in between. Lovers becoming strangers. Memories becoming frustrations and regrets. Isn't it a shame we used to share so many things in common and now we're acting like nothing ever happened? Just how cruel love can be when it becomes just a distant memory? 

Today I came across the messages you've sent me for the past years. I couldn't help myself to think that you must've hated me all these years. 

There were no Hellos like we used to. There were no goodnight kisses like we used to. 

I know we're both in good places now and maybe this is for the best. For both of us. I can never thank you enough for teaching me how it is to love someone and take chances. I can never thank you enough for teaching me what it is to be blunt and saying what matters. 

You, forever are one of the best lessons I've had in my life. 

6.03am

OK. Here's the deal. I'm not sure what I was ranting about but today is a brand new day. The way I look at it, I can continue sobbing or I can have fun with it. Maybe it's time to be a little reckless.